Coping with her condition is wearing me out because she cannot do anything except feed herself but she won’t even let me help her clean her teeth. I’m exhausted and don’t know which way to turn.

Am I entitled to any help?

A As you have discovered, caring for a person with dementia can be physically and emotionally draining. It also sounds as if you are ignoring your own health needs and this is bad for both of you, because if you are exhausted you cannot look after your wife so well.

However, there is lots of support available.

Your local social services department should be able to offer a range of services, which may include day or home care, meals on wheels and cover for you, so you can take a break.

In order to get these you need to apply for a community care assessment, which involves talking to you and to your wife to find out what your needs are. You can either apply to your local social services directly or ask your GP or practice nurse to contact them. You should then be given a care plan for your wife and you should also be given the name of your local care manager, who should be able to help you.

In addition, there are a variety of financial benefits available for both people with dementia and their carers, although most have conditions attached. But don’t let this put you off – from what you have said, you should be entitled
to some financial assistance.

Attendance allowance and disability living allowance provide money to help to deal with the practical effects of a disability and provide help with care needs, such as washing, eating, dressing or going to the toilet. If you spend at least 35 hours a week looking after your wife, then you could also be entitled to a carer’s allowance.

For more information about the help you can receive, contact the Alzheimer’s Society. Call its helpline on 0845 300 0336 or see www.alzheimers.org.uk